A day in the Life of a Germ-A-Phobe

Back in the day, yes, WAAAAAAAY back then, I enjoyed learning about microbiology. It was utterly captivating in the same way that a car accident involving multiple gory injuries is. You desperetly want a glimpse at the same time you are terrified of what you might actually see. I loved learning about all the tiny little specks too small to see that were powerful enough to decimate entire populations or make yogurt depending on thier whims. I loved doing the project where we went around campus and cultured places to see what we could grow.

Yummy.

FYI- it turned out to be more hygienic to lick the toilet than to touch either the door knob or the phone. YES! Cell phones are a good thing. At least you just put your own germs on your face...

Where was I going?

Oh right, now I remember. At the time I went through a brief period where I was obsessed with all things growing and didn't want to touch anything. Shaking hands was enough to make me break out in a cold sweat. The thought of touching raw chicken would make me heave. It was a great, if short lived, diet. Eventually I got over it and went back to ignoring the microscopic world rather than seeing it as an army planning covert ops at every second.

Once I had kids, my terror of germs evaporated due to sheer necessity. Instead of boiling everything I learned that mom-spit was naturally anti-bacterial, and the five second rule applied to any surface including public restrooms on occasion. OK, that was a bit gross. The point is that we all survived, sure D1 had permanent hearing damage from repeat ear infections but that was probably due to day care rather than the fact that I may have occasionally licked her pacifier to clean it off. Probably.

Now, we are pretty middle of the road. We wash our hands and use hand sanitizer whenever encountering plague in the form of McDonald's Play places, but we pretty much leave the obsessing to the neat-niks.

Except this week.

The week before a family vacation I have reverted to full scale battle readiness. We have gone through so many gallons of hand sanitizer none of the kids have skin left on their hands. I have wiped all the paint off the knobs with Lysol wipes and we look like chemo patients when we go out, to the few things we couldn't skip, since I have made everybody wear masks.

Hey! You can't be too careful. It is January! In a winter climate! People are constantly testing our reflexes and spewing vicious germs by the lung full whenever we turn around. I am determined that we will go on this trip and be healthy.

One way or another.

If that means bringing scuba gear for the plane, so be it. When you see a family breathing through snorkels on the plane be sure and wave. Don't bother trying to shake our hands, though, you might have a cold.