Life in the Fish Bowl

It seems to be a pattern that most of the house showings are early in the week. I guess since Mondays mostly stink anyway, this works quite well. Of course we get nothing done on those days, but at least our schedule is flexible. Who needs summer vacation anyway? Well, me, but that's another post.

The thing about a scheduled showing is that I get a little nutty. Little as in "little pregnant." Which does not mean I'm pregnant, just hugely cranky on those days. Trying to keep a house in "model home condition" while home schooling is like holding your breath under water. It works peachy... for about 10 seconds. Maybe a minute-- if you hyperventilate first.

So I run around trying to do all the "staging stuff" while they sit at the table and try not to move, or breathe, really. I am putting a final shine on the fixtures and floors, vacuuming my way out of rooms. Turning on all lights and making sure that the nervous cats haven't deposited stray hairballs anywhere. Believe it or not, hairballs DO NOT add to a house's value. I know, right? Strange. Anyway, they mostly watch me to see if today is the day they finally have to call for an exorcism.

Once the house is as clean as I can get it, I have to catch 2 cats who would really rather stay under my bed. King size--they know the exact dead center where only one child is small enough to wiggle in and grab them. Then we all hop in the car for an exciting 45 minute jaunt where we place bets to see if the cats will a. poop in their cage, b. get sick. or my personal favorite-c. all of the above. Since the places we can go with a crate of spewing cats is rather limited, mostly we just skulk around the neighborhood. I have a personal side bet to see how long we can keep this up before the neighborhood watch calls the cops. And won't that make for an educational event!

I have buried St. Joseph in the front yard (pretty sure my Baptist neighbors now believe I've joined a satanic cult) but an offer can't come soon enough. Please God, send me to Purgatory as you see fit, only just PLEASE HURRY and move someone to make an offer. I don't know how much longer I can stand the strain. I'm having to keep dark chocolate liquor stashed in the cabinet. But don't worry, it's purely medicinal. I only take a wee nip on showing days. Or if the day ends in "y," but really that's as far as I go, cause we all need limits right?