If you have read this blog for any length of time you have probably gleaned a few facts about me: I am a complete nut-ball and I hate snakes. The first thing even a career politician couldn't deny because there is just too much evidence. Clearly, I'm missing a few bolts in my tool chest. As far as the second thing, well as far as I'm concerned, Noah should have just closed the Ark door a little sooner and saved us all a lot of worry. I would take a million hungry mosquitoes, giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches and knee deep rats before letting a small garter snake get within spitting distance. Sorry, that was a rather gross analogy.
In five years living in this hot swampy armpit of Florida we have had a few snake encounters. All have fortunately ended with my pledging undying gratitude to whatever hero vanquished the reptile in question. I have no idea why the City Officials declined to erect a monument to the exterminator who removed a cottonmouth from my front shrubs, surely he deserved at least a small parade!
The person who cuts the lawn needs no on-going contract-- he cemented his job when he asked if I would mind if he took home a snake he found to show his kids. Once he promised to NEVER bring it back I knew he was the lawn-cutter for me. (When Hubby wanted to start drastic money saving ideas and proposed eliminating the lawn service I will neither confirm nor deny sabotaging the lawnmower. If such sabotage DID occur, well the mower was old anyway.)
This weekend the kids screamed that a snake had taken up residence near their play set. The play set in question is a Rainbow and even though we got a demo model on clearance it didn't come cheap. Still it was a snake!
I had decided that since thankfully the house was already sold we could toss one of the kids out the back door as a diversionary sacrifice and then the rest of us could run out the front and jump in the car. Hey, I love the kids, but it was a SNAKE. Somebody had to take one for the team! Then we could drive to a very distant hotel and wait for the house to close. Sure we'd miss the other kid, but I'd be sure and start a family day honoring her sacrifice. The snake was welcome to the play set. Hubs would not be happy that a snake had won the play set, but he should have thought of that before leaving me alone in a giant swamp. And just for the record, removing all greenery and enclosing the backyard in concrete covered AstroTurf is still a very viable option that he was overly quick to dismiss. But whatever.
Since I wanted to be fair I had decided to put both kids names in a hat and we'd let fate decide who was gonna be a hero. The kids thought we were drawing for a special prize and were very excited. No sense having someone panic prematurely, am I right?
So imagine my shock and awe when the next door neighbor came over to BATTLE THE SNAKE! (That really should be read in a loud booming voice.) I hadn't even had time to beg or offer a kidney should he ever need one. Talk about a hero! The snake rose up like a cobra and attacked with lightning reflexes. The kids and I stood at the glass door and cheered the valiant hero risking life and limb to defend our home.
He struck! The snake dodged. We all clutched our hearts and prayed harder!
He took careful aim but the crafty snake cheated by climbing up the cedar leg and attempting to seek shelter where hoes couldn't go. The man persisted and even though the evil snake defied all logic--I swear it was still alive even though it had been beheaded. It still lived! It was no ordinary snake! Eventually it was dispatched and law and order were restored.
It wasn't until later that night while I was calming my nerves with a bit of Old Country medicine (just a wee nip!) that one of the kids brought up the scraped lottery and demanded to know who had won. I just smiled and didn't answer...best to keep my options open until we leave this snake infested swamp behind us for good.
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Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Ode to Dads
I hope that most Americans don't feel like dads are expendable, because they certainly aren't. In fact the entire family is built around dad. Or as Chris Rock says "Daddy deserves the big piece of chicken!" So what is a dad?
A dad:
takes you fishing and then spends the entire day without getting his own line wet because he's baiting, re-baiting, unhooking, untangling, and retying your line. All while cheerfully complimenting your big catch.
tosses you in the air, wrestles with you, rough houses, and then eventually keeps your dates in line.
teaches you about butterflies, constellations, ice fishing and camping.
is powerful. "Wait until your father gets home!" can strike fear into any young heart.
shows that some things are worth fighting for, but most aren't.
remains calm when you first get behind the wheel of a car.
cheers you on even when you come in last place. Then he helps you get better for next time.
is brave in the face of all manner of invasion from rodents to reptiles, bugs to bats.
demonstrates how a man should treat his family.
makes life possible.
supports, defends, protects, and cherishes his family.
can unscrew spaghetti jars.
isn't afraid of thunder, the dark, or noises on the roof.
What is a dad? A dad is the foundation of a strong family. A family can be built without a dad, but it will never be as strong as one with a dad. Celebrate the strong dads in your life because they quite simply make us who we are.
Thank you Dad.
A dad:
takes you fishing and then spends the entire day without getting his own line wet because he's baiting, re-baiting, unhooking, untangling, and retying your line. All while cheerfully complimenting your big catch.
tosses you in the air, wrestles with you, rough houses, and then eventually keeps your dates in line.
teaches you about butterflies, constellations, ice fishing and camping.
is powerful. "Wait until your father gets home!" can strike fear into any young heart.
shows that some things are worth fighting for, but most aren't.
remains calm when you first get behind the wheel of a car.
cheers you on even when you come in last place. Then he helps you get better for next time.
is brave in the face of all manner of invasion from rodents to reptiles, bugs to bats.
demonstrates how a man should treat his family.
makes life possible.
supports, defends, protects, and cherishes his family.
can unscrew spaghetti jars.
isn't afraid of thunder, the dark, or noises on the roof.
What is a dad? A dad is the foundation of a strong family. A family can be built without a dad, but it will never be as strong as one with a dad. Celebrate the strong dads in your life because they quite simply make us who we are.
Thank you Dad.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Why Birthdays are the Devil's Work (Part 85,594,678)
I spent the early morning hours with terrible intestinal distress, and that was the good part of the day. (Yeah, I know it's an over-share but you have to get the proper sense of mood.)
I got up early to get ready for the Boater Safety Class I signed up to take. While I was sipping tea and nibbling toast trying to soothe the savage beast residing in my gut, I get a call. Class moved to 11am due to Air Force Triathlon. I got up early for nothing? Curses on all early bird athletes!
But since they heard me (why can kids hear a flea bite a cat six rooms away when they want to, but manage to avoid hearing you yelling when you're standing 2 feet away?) the girls got up and started bickering right off the bat. It was so festive, if they could only carry a tune they could have done it in time to "Happy Birthday." In self defense I fled and went to a friend's garage sale. I treated myself to some of her junk since OPJ is always much more attractive than your own sorry junk.
After I got home, the kids roused themselves from their break (it's the answer to the age old paradox : if two kids bicker when no mom is around to hear, will there be sound? Answer: they don't bother wasting their breath.) and resumed the bicker-age. Although I had planned on canceling the boat class, why bother now that the water is going to be un-swimable shortly? I decided to go, just to get away for a couple hours. Two hours of Air Force style boat briefings later I reconsidered the wisdom of this choice. (Note- why do they call it a "brief"ing when it is ALWAYS excessively LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG?)
Not all hope was lost though, we still got to go for a boat ride. (That part actually was BRIEF! Go figure.) Then all 12 of us had to take turns parallel parking an ancient pontoon boat. The first 8 people had it easy since at the height of the day the water was totally calm. By the time I stepped up to take a turn the instructor felt the need to re-demonstrate that it was in fact possible to park said boat in a typhoon whilst battling a wicked current as the tide came in. After failing twice he shrugged and said, "Close enough, you get the point. Next!")
Where I come from, scratching the paint on a boat is a felony crime punishable by death. Severe flogging is permissible only if the scratch is less than 3 mm long, AND the boat is older than 2 decades, AND the owner is too drunk to notice until you can deny the whole incident. The Air Force does not share this attitude, apparently. They want you to "kiss the dock" and "hold it tight" even if the metal is screaming and people are being knocked to their knees. Getting to within 6 inches and throwing a rope over the pole or just grabbing it are NOT acceptable and earn the captain another go. And another. And another. And another until 3 hours have passed, you are the same color as a well cooked lobster, sweat is dripping in rivers and you are ready to pass out from lack of food. Then, once the current and wind are at maximum velocity, it's your turn!
Yeah!
When you manage to park the boat in-spite of these obstacles the instructor will not furnish a passing card. Oh no! He will instead insist you demonstrate proficiency on the OTHER side of the dock. The one with the slip between the gasoline pump and the General's gorgeous new sailboat. After managing to park 4 times in-spite of all obstacles (try it from a 45 degree angle. How about a 15 degree one. How about 38.75 degrees? Yes? Well let's turn around and do it from the rear.) Turning a very old, over weighted pontoon in a small bay is like parking a semi in a bath tub. Not gonna fit and wrong on so many levels.
When you finally decide you'd rather become a professional skunk deodorizer than ever, ever, EVER drive another boat, and jump onto the dock and run screaming to your car swearing in three languages at the miscreant getting his kicks on torturing poor hapless victims, you will discover that you have a flat tire. Once said tire is replaced and you are limping home at the speed of an arthritic turtle some joker in a state cruiser will pull you over for going 28 in a 25MPH zone, EVEN THOUGH every other car is passing you.
I actually managed to remain calm throughout the insurance checking, the running of the tags, and every delay until the joker wished me a good day. At which point I went just a tad crazy. (Note to self--- cross "get shot with Tazer while resisting arrest and screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs" off the bucket list. Mission accomplished.)
Which is how I got a date with a really hot young cop on my birthday. Sure it's a hearing date to set bail, but a date is a date.
The devil's work I tell you. Thank the sweet Lord I have 365 more days before I have to face another one. In the meantime I'm going to bed at 3:00pm and waiting until tomorrow to get up.
I got up early to get ready for the Boater Safety Class I signed up to take. While I was sipping tea and nibbling toast trying to soothe the savage beast residing in my gut, I get a call. Class moved to 11am due to Air Force Triathlon. I got up early for nothing? Curses on all early bird athletes!
But since they heard me (why can kids hear a flea bite a cat six rooms away when they want to, but manage to avoid hearing you yelling when you're standing 2 feet away?) the girls got up and started bickering right off the bat. It was so festive, if they could only carry a tune they could have done it in time to "Happy Birthday." In self defense I fled and went to a friend's garage sale. I treated myself to some of her junk since OPJ is always much more attractive than your own sorry junk.
After I got home, the kids roused themselves from their break (it's the answer to the age old paradox : if two kids bicker when no mom is around to hear, will there be sound? Answer: they don't bother wasting their breath.) and resumed the bicker-age. Although I had planned on canceling the boat class, why bother now that the water is going to be un-swimable shortly? I decided to go, just to get away for a couple hours. Two hours of Air Force style boat briefings later I reconsidered the wisdom of this choice. (Note- why do they call it a "brief"ing when it is ALWAYS excessively LOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG?)
Not all hope was lost though, we still got to go for a boat ride. (That part actually was BRIEF! Go figure.) Then all 12 of us had to take turns parallel parking an ancient pontoon boat. The first 8 people had it easy since at the height of the day the water was totally calm. By the time I stepped up to take a turn the instructor felt the need to re-demonstrate that it was in fact possible to park said boat in a typhoon whilst battling a wicked current as the tide came in. After failing twice he shrugged and said, "Close enough, you get the point. Next!")
Where I come from, scratching the paint on a boat is a felony crime punishable by death. Severe flogging is permissible only if the scratch is less than 3 mm long, AND the boat is older than 2 decades, AND the owner is too drunk to notice until you can deny the whole incident. The Air Force does not share this attitude, apparently. They want you to "kiss the dock" and "hold it tight" even if the metal is screaming and people are being knocked to their knees. Getting to within 6 inches and throwing a rope over the pole or just grabbing it are NOT acceptable and earn the captain another go. And another. And another. And another until 3 hours have passed, you are the same color as a well cooked lobster, sweat is dripping in rivers and you are ready to pass out from lack of food. Then, once the current and wind are at maximum velocity, it's your turn!
Yeah!
When you manage to park the boat in-spite of these obstacles the instructor will not furnish a passing card. Oh no! He will instead insist you demonstrate proficiency on the OTHER side of the dock. The one with the slip between the gasoline pump and the General's gorgeous new sailboat. After managing to park 4 times in-spite of all obstacles (try it from a 45 degree angle. How about a 15 degree one. How about 38.75 degrees? Yes? Well let's turn around and do it from the rear.) Turning a very old, over weighted pontoon in a small bay is like parking a semi in a bath tub. Not gonna fit and wrong on so many levels.
When you finally decide you'd rather become a professional skunk deodorizer than ever, ever, EVER drive another boat, and jump onto the dock and run screaming to your car swearing in three languages at the miscreant getting his kicks on torturing poor hapless victims, you will discover that you have a flat tire. Once said tire is replaced and you are limping home at the speed of an arthritic turtle some joker in a state cruiser will pull you over for going 28 in a 25MPH zone, EVEN THOUGH every other car is passing you.
I actually managed to remain calm throughout the insurance checking, the running of the tags, and every delay until the joker wished me a good day. At which point I went just a tad crazy. (Note to self--- cross "get shot with Tazer while resisting arrest and screaming obscenities at the top of your lungs" off the bucket list. Mission accomplished.)
Which is how I got a date with a really hot young cop on my birthday. Sure it's a hearing date to set bail, but a date is a date.
The devil's work I tell you. Thank the sweet Lord I have 365 more days before I have to face another one. In the meantime I'm going to bed at 3:00pm and waiting until tomorrow to get up.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Swagtastic...How to Maximize your Swagbucks
I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but I really think Swagbucks is pretty sweet. As of today I have earned 23 $5 Amazon gift cards this year alone. If that pace keeps up, I'll have about $180 by Christmas. Would an extra $180 at Christmas time be worth a few minutes each day? By few I mean less than five. If so, here's how it works:
1. Refer people. If people sign up THROUGH YOUR LINK you get matching swagbucks for the first 1000 SB they earn. It is critical that they sign up through your link though because you can't get them credited after the fact.
2. 30 SB a month just for voting in the "daily poll" each day. You can only get SB on the actual day though so you can't wait until the end of the month and vote in them all. (Well you can, but you don't get any SB.)
3. Look at the "no obligation special offers" to get at least another 30 SB/month. Just click through and at the end you get the SB.
4. Download the SB toolbar. Just for having it up you usually get 30SB/month.
5. Watch for special codes. If you have the "widget" (see the box at the top of my blog? That's the widget.) you can click "swag codes" and it will tell you if there is a code somewhere. They are often on the SB blog or their Facebook page. Sometimes it's just a code you cut and paste for free SB (they can be low value like under 10SB or I've seen as high as 30SB in one) or sometimes you have to look around the site, but they give you pretty easy clues. The thing about swagcodes is NEVER EVER post them or you get permanently deactivated. Codes usually expire fairly quickly so it's just hit or miss if you get lucky.
6. Watch on the homepage at the bottom of the "news box" if you see your swag name click and you get 100SB. Again hit or miss but it would be a big winner.
7. Take a survey. Just for going to the survey page you usually get a SB. On the homepage go to "trusted surveys" and see if you have any offers. If so, you can try and fill them out. If you are the demographic they are looking for and you do the entire thing (takes about 15 min per survey) you get between 50-250SB. Small risk of wasting your time because unless you do the entire thing you get no SB. But if you're bored and have a few extra minutes you can score some big SB.
8. Check out SB before you shop online. Most of their partner stores give you 1SB for every $2 spent. So if you are planning on making a purchase anyway go through the SB link and get a kickback. I have sent flowers and such and people raved about them.
9. Use the search engine consistently. You won't get SB if you don't USE SB. I keep logged in all the time and I always use the SB search engine. If I don't find what I'm looking for I can always google it afterward but why miss out on SBs? Also I always check my email by first entering "yahoo" in the search engine. All I have to type is "ya" and it pulls it up. I click it and yahoomail comes up. Click that and I'm into my mail. Two extra clicks but I average 20-30SB a day this way. I always check the weather on NOAA, my email, and two coupon blogs in the morning and almost every stinkin' time on one of them I get SB. I would check those sites anyway but checking them through SB gets me free stuff. I see that as a no-brainer.
That's it. That's all I do. You don't have to do all of these, or any of them really, but why not pick one or two and see the SB add up. It is super easy to redeem SB. If you want an amazon card you just go to the SB home page and go to the store. Then click "giftcards" in the left hand side. Click "amazon card" and the SB are deducted from your SB account. They send you a confirmation email. Click on the link. About two weeks later you get another email with your amazon code, and you're in the money. You can stack them, and use them for whatever you want for up to and including the entire order, even shipping. (You don't have to make a minimum purchase or pay out of pocket unless you spend more than you have in gift cards.) I will throw out a tiny disclaimer on gift cards. I once ordered a non-amazon card on sale to some other store. Since I only had $5 there was nothing in the store I could get free and that particular store had crazy high shipping rates so I wasted those SBs. Ever since I've stuck with amazon cards and I've never been disappointed. Ready to jump in? Sign up at the top of my blog and let's all win. Remember it's free, no credit card required.
1. Refer people. If people sign up THROUGH YOUR LINK you get matching swagbucks for the first 1000 SB they earn. It is critical that they sign up through your link though because you can't get them credited after the fact.
2. 30 SB a month just for voting in the "daily poll" each day. You can only get SB on the actual day though so you can't wait until the end of the month and vote in them all. (Well you can, but you don't get any SB.)
3. Look at the "no obligation special offers" to get at least another 30 SB/month. Just click through and at the end you get the SB.
4. Download the SB toolbar. Just for having it up you usually get 30SB/month.
5. Watch for special codes. If you have the "widget" (see the box at the top of my blog? That's the widget.) you can click "swag codes" and it will tell you if there is a code somewhere. They are often on the SB blog or their Facebook page. Sometimes it's just a code you cut and paste for free SB (they can be low value like under 10SB or I've seen as high as 30SB in one) or sometimes you have to look around the site, but they give you pretty easy clues. The thing about swagcodes is NEVER EVER post them or you get permanently deactivated. Codes usually expire fairly quickly so it's just hit or miss if you get lucky.
6. Watch on the homepage at the bottom of the "news box" if you see your swag name click and you get 100SB. Again hit or miss but it would be a big winner.
7. Take a survey. Just for going to the survey page you usually get a SB. On the homepage go to "trusted surveys" and see if you have any offers. If so, you can try and fill them out. If you are the demographic they are looking for and you do the entire thing (takes about 15 min per survey) you get between 50-250SB. Small risk of wasting your time because unless you do the entire thing you get no SB. But if you're bored and have a few extra minutes you can score some big SB.
8. Check out SB before you shop online. Most of their partner stores give you 1SB for every $2 spent. So if you are planning on making a purchase anyway go through the SB link and get a kickback. I have sent flowers and such and people raved about them.
9. Use the search engine consistently. You won't get SB if you don't USE SB. I keep logged in all the time and I always use the SB search engine. If I don't find what I'm looking for I can always google it afterward but why miss out on SBs? Also I always check my email by first entering "yahoo" in the search engine. All I have to type is "ya" and it pulls it up. I click it and yahoomail comes up. Click that and I'm into my mail. Two extra clicks but I average 20-30SB a day this way. I always check the weather on NOAA, my email, and two coupon blogs in the morning and almost every stinkin' time on one of them I get SB. I would check those sites anyway but checking them through SB gets me free stuff. I see that as a no-brainer.
That's it. That's all I do. You don't have to do all of these, or any of them really, but why not pick one or two and see the SB add up. It is super easy to redeem SB. If you want an amazon card you just go to the SB home page and go to the store. Then click "giftcards" in the left hand side. Click "amazon card" and the SB are deducted from your SB account. They send you a confirmation email. Click on the link. About two weeks later you get another email with your amazon code, and you're in the money. You can stack them, and use them for whatever you want for up to and including the entire order, even shipping. (You don't have to make a minimum purchase or pay out of pocket unless you spend more than you have in gift cards.) I will throw out a tiny disclaimer on gift cards. I once ordered a non-amazon card on sale to some other store. Since I only had $5 there was nothing in the store I could get free and that particular store had crazy high shipping rates so I wasted those SBs. Ever since I've stuck with amazon cards and I've never been disappointed. Ready to jump in? Sign up at the top of my blog and let's all win. Remember it's free, no credit card required.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Lazy Summer Days
Ahhhhh summer! Juicy watermelon, hot sunny days, jumping into cool water and relaxing with a good book. OR NOT! We interrupt this Disney commercial to bring you back to a little place called RealityLand. In this place there are no slow days interrupted only for lemonade and naps. No quiet evenings of crickets chirping and stars blazing. Oh no. here in RealityLand it's a slightly different scene:
Get up at 6 to shower and feed kids. Rush 20 miles to get eldest daughter to babysitting class as base. Find out class was rescheduled for next month. Run to mall to exchange summer clothes that don't fit younger daughter. Race home to get in a few hours of lessons. Rush one to swim class and one to tumbling class. Pick up and switch outfits. Dress in car and pass out picnic dinner. Go to Library for family night. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Don't worry, every day isn't this crazy, I think there is one day still open. No wait, I lied. This is actually one of the "quiet" ones. I have no idea why I do this to myself. All I can say is that like pet rocks and New Coke, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Summer camps, church groups, VBS, field trips, endless classes and lessons, when did summer become the school year on crack? Why don't we lay around the front porch and sip lemonade? I mean we don't have a porch or like lemonade, but you get the point, right? Why is summer such a rush these days?
Hmmm, I may go make myself a vodka-lemonade and think about this some more...one night of missed classes won't kill them. (I really don't like lemonade, but that's why I have to add the vodka silly! It kills the taste!)
Get up at 6 to shower and feed kids. Rush 20 miles to get eldest daughter to babysitting class as base. Find out class was rescheduled for next month. Run to mall to exchange summer clothes that don't fit younger daughter. Race home to get in a few hours of lessons. Rush one to swim class and one to tumbling class. Pick up and switch outfits. Dress in car and pass out picnic dinner. Go to Library for family night. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Don't worry, every day isn't this crazy, I think there is one day still open. No wait, I lied. This is actually one of the "quiet" ones. I have no idea why I do this to myself. All I can say is that like pet rocks and New Coke, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Summer camps, church groups, VBS, field trips, endless classes and lessons, when did summer become the school year on crack? Why don't we lay around the front porch and sip lemonade? I mean we don't have a porch or like lemonade, but you get the point, right? Why is summer such a rush these days?
Hmmm, I may go make myself a vodka-lemonade and think about this some more...one night of missed classes won't kill them. (I really don't like lemonade, but that's why I have to add the vodka silly! It kills the taste!)
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Parenting is not for Wimps
Have you ever seen people who are just naturally great parents? Loving, patient, they always know how to bring out the best in their kids. I so admire these people because I am sooooo not one of them. As far as I'm concerned kids are a different species. They can be adorable, watching them in their antics often makes me laugh out loud. But actual parenting? I don't have a clue.
I WANT to be more effective, but I don't know how to do that. So I got a new book. Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay. I heard about them in a seminar recently and I was very intrigued. I was especially intrigued after I googled them because apparently they are somewhat controversial figures. Most people would read the stuff and run screaming in the other direction. Being a somewhat independent person I wanted to actually read the book before I called for a witch-burning. I'm funny that way.
On some levels I found it to be a dissappointment. I expected a book that took positions quite contrary to "modern" culture. From the reviews, I expected all sorts of wildly inflammatory methods. Imagine my dissappointment when I read the book and found out they advocate allowing natural consequences. Hmm, not even a good spanking when the situation calls for it. Hardly what I'd term counter-culutural. I suppose for people used to rescuing their kids from every possible negative it could seem quite shocking to say, "If the kid forgets his lunch let him go hungry til dinner." As a nurse who knows that childhood obesity is rampant, the idea of an occasional missed lunch doesn't shock me--the vast majority of kids could stand to miss a meal now and then.
What I did like about the book is that it systematically teaches a way to teach kids to decide well. If it helps me train polite, mannerly kids, who make good choices based on solid morals, then sign me up. Time will tell. Until then Hubs and I have a back up plan. But it is wildly controversial and mostly a joke so I better skip it. Heaven knows many people can't recognize good old fashioned sarcasm when they see it--and most of those people work for child protective services.
I WANT to be more effective, but I don't know how to do that. So I got a new book. Parenting with Love and Logic by Cline and Fay. I heard about them in a seminar recently and I was very intrigued. I was especially intrigued after I googled them because apparently they are somewhat controversial figures. Most people would read the stuff and run screaming in the other direction. Being a somewhat independent person I wanted to actually read the book before I called for a witch-burning. I'm funny that way.
On some levels I found it to be a dissappointment. I expected a book that took positions quite contrary to "modern" culture. From the reviews, I expected all sorts of wildly inflammatory methods. Imagine my dissappointment when I read the book and found out they advocate allowing natural consequences. Hmm, not even a good spanking when the situation calls for it. Hardly what I'd term counter-culutural. I suppose for people used to rescuing their kids from every possible negative it could seem quite shocking to say, "If the kid forgets his lunch let him go hungry til dinner." As a nurse who knows that childhood obesity is rampant, the idea of an occasional missed lunch doesn't shock me--the vast majority of kids could stand to miss a meal now and then.
What I did like about the book is that it systematically teaches a way to teach kids to decide well. If it helps me train polite, mannerly kids, who make good choices based on solid morals, then sign me up. Time will tell. Until then Hubs and I have a back up plan. But it is wildly controversial and mostly a joke so I better skip it. Heaven knows many people can't recognize good old fashioned sarcasm when they see it--and most of those people work for child protective services.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Da Blues
I don't know if it's my impending birthday, or just the fact that I've always marched to a different drummer, but lately I feel more like I'm playing in a whole different band. I'm trying to waltz to Lawrence Welk while everybody else gyrates to rap music. I never intended to grow old gracefully. I mean I can't do ANYTHING gracefully so why start with that? I don't want to be an old foogie either but sometimes I feel like I just got left behind the times because, man, I just don't get people.
Let me preface my tirade by saying if you made an alphabetical listing of sins I might be able to plead innocent on a couple letters, but not many. I have done, or wanted to do, almost all of them. I am no paragon of virtue. In fact, I'm sure I serve as a warning much more than an example. Sure I've grown and I'm trying harder now but there was a whole period in high school when I created an entirely different world to live in. I'm embarrassed to say I elevated lying beyond "art form" to "borderline psychosis." The only meager defense I can offer is that even while I was doing it, I knew it was wrong. It didn't stop me, or even slow me down much, but I did feel guilty and eventually felt so guilty I had to stop.
So I understand the occasional thrill of floating a whopper. Even though my audience might have bought my lies hook, line, and stinker, I at least would have failed a lie detector test. So maybe I shouldn't throw stones since I've spent more than my fair share of time living in glass houses but I have to say I'm appalled by the casual way people regard honesty today. It isn't an age thing either because it seems to run through 'em all. I hardly ever hear people talking about what "should" be done, just what "can" be done. In other words the burden of honesty is on the victim. The argument goes like this: finder's keepers. Or, if they didn't want people to do it than they should have stopped them.
This particularly bother me in the coupon world. I adore getting freebies and the thrill of the hunt for bargains is a captivating hobby. But I can't cheat. To me that ruins the whole thing. It makes it stealing, in fact. If something says "one per household" than it doesn't matter whether I CAN do the deal more than once, I WON'T because that is cheating. This seems to be a minority opinion. Which also explains a lot about our current system of government I suppose. We have an entire country of people looking for what they can do rather than what should be done. People say they would never steal from their neighbors but high taxes on the wealthy are OK. How is that any different? If the coupon says "valid on any men's body wash" then I wouldn't try and use it on "women's body wash". Maybe the poor checker would accept it but the store will not get reimbursed for it and I just stole it. Now maybe I didn't know and it was an accident...OK then it's not a sin perhaps but come on people, how hard is it to read 3 words? "One per household" is pretty self-explanatory as well. So while I applaud the cutthroat world of serious bargain shopping I hope everybody takes the time to play fair. I mean, would you really sell your soul for a free bottle of shampoo? Exaggeration? Maybe. But I know this...every lie makes the next one easier. How do you know where St. Peter is going to draw the line? I for one hope that if I get booted from the pearly gates it isn't over something that stupid. Play hard people, but play fair.
Let me preface my tirade by saying if you made an alphabetical listing of sins I might be able to plead innocent on a couple letters, but not many. I have done, or wanted to do, almost all of them. I am no paragon of virtue. In fact, I'm sure I serve as a warning much more than an example. Sure I've grown and I'm trying harder now but there was a whole period in high school when I created an entirely different world to live in. I'm embarrassed to say I elevated lying beyond "art form" to "borderline psychosis." The only meager defense I can offer is that even while I was doing it, I knew it was wrong. It didn't stop me, or even slow me down much, but I did feel guilty and eventually felt so guilty I had to stop.
So I understand the occasional thrill of floating a whopper. Even though my audience might have bought my lies hook, line, and stinker, I at least would have failed a lie detector test. So maybe I shouldn't throw stones since I've spent more than my fair share of time living in glass houses but I have to say I'm appalled by the casual way people regard honesty today. It isn't an age thing either because it seems to run through 'em all. I hardly ever hear people talking about what "should" be done, just what "can" be done. In other words the burden of honesty is on the victim. The argument goes like this: finder's keepers. Or, if they didn't want people to do it than they should have stopped them.
This particularly bother me in the coupon world. I adore getting freebies and the thrill of the hunt for bargains is a captivating hobby. But I can't cheat. To me that ruins the whole thing. It makes it stealing, in fact. If something says "one per household" than it doesn't matter whether I CAN do the deal more than once, I WON'T because that is cheating. This seems to be a minority opinion. Which also explains a lot about our current system of government I suppose. We have an entire country of people looking for what they can do rather than what should be done. People say they would never steal from their neighbors but high taxes on the wealthy are OK. How is that any different? If the coupon says "valid on any men's body wash" then I wouldn't try and use it on "women's body wash". Maybe the poor checker would accept it but the store will not get reimbursed for it and I just stole it. Now maybe I didn't know and it was an accident...OK then it's not a sin perhaps but come on people, how hard is it to read 3 words? "One per household" is pretty self-explanatory as well. So while I applaud the cutthroat world of serious bargain shopping I hope everybody takes the time to play fair. I mean, would you really sell your soul for a free bottle of shampoo? Exaggeration? Maybe. But I know this...every lie makes the next one easier. How do you know where St. Peter is going to draw the line? I for one hope that if I get booted from the pearly gates it isn't over something that stupid. Play hard people, but play fair.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Lessons From Summer Camp
This morning I went to the camp which had bravely hosted my two daughters for a week. Let's all pause and say a silent thank you that all the buildings still appeared to be standing and only a few councilors/staff members were twitching uncontrollably.
I collected our belongings and went to my girls' cabins to see how they did. Both were bubbling over with enthusiasm (Yeah! Camp Victory rocks!) They couldn't believe it was already time to go home. They were both still in possession of all limbs so I call it a rousing success.
On the way home they dazzled me with their new Bible verses and new camp songs. It was a cute theme about being in the "Army of God." Or so I thought when packing them off with dad's old uniform t-shirts. Turns out when you go to summer camp in Alabama they have a more literal take on that "Army of God" stuff. So I learned when daughter #2 proudly displayed her blue bracelet earned for first place in the rifle shooting contest. Can you blame me for nearly driving off the road at that point? Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty decent shot myself, but who in their right friggin' mind would give THAT KID an actual weapon? Those people are either REALLY brave or REALLY dumb because they came awfully close to meeting the Supreme Commander in Chief the day they placed a loaded weapon in that kid's arms. I wouldn't put it past that kid to take out the competition, if you get my drift. She probably wouldn't shoot to kill, mind you, but she'd consider a kneecap all right.
Don't get me wrong, the kid has a lot of good qualities and I always enjoy her competitive spirit. OK, that's a flat out lie, but it sounded good didn't it? I mean I enjoy watching her competing, but the win at all costs, with your shield or on it, is pure dad. She didn't get a drop from me. I'm more the "find your own pond and don't share with anybody so you can be the biggest fish" type of person. She (and her father) are more the jump into the middle of the sharks, laugh for joy and feel the adrenaline rush types. I mean, I most likely wouldn't actually un-friend people on FB when their high scores topped mine, but if my fingers slipped... Ok, that's another lie. I totally would. Or at least stop playing that game and find a new one. I'm the mom who works the booth fund raising, does the behind the scenes scut work and holds it together. NOT the one screaming that MY KID needs to be in the spotlight...er else! I especially don't do this since the kid does it all on her own. I get to take the moral high ground cause nobody's gonna step on that kid, she'll squash 'em like a bug. All part of my plan---cue evil laughter.
The biggest part of the sleep away camp lesson is that they will be exposed to things I'm not thrilled about but they survived and they loved it. No perverts, no accidents, no calamities. I am all too aware that any or all of those bad things could have happened, but just a bit I let go. Sure there is risk involved, but what part of life doesn't have some risk? What would childhood be without obnoxious songs, bad camp food, and triumphs? OK, safe, but we live on the edge in this family. Well they do, I just bring the orange slices, extra glitter eye shadow, and drive the carpool.
I collected our belongings and went to my girls' cabins to see how they did. Both were bubbling over with enthusiasm (Yeah! Camp Victory rocks!) They couldn't believe it was already time to go home. They were both still in possession of all limbs so I call it a rousing success.
On the way home they dazzled me with their new Bible verses and new camp songs. It was a cute theme about being in the "Army of God." Or so I thought when packing them off with dad's old uniform t-shirts. Turns out when you go to summer camp in Alabama they have a more literal take on that "Army of God" stuff. So I learned when daughter #2 proudly displayed her blue bracelet earned for first place in the rifle shooting contest. Can you blame me for nearly driving off the road at that point? Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty decent shot myself, but who in their right friggin' mind would give THAT KID an actual weapon? Those people are either REALLY brave or REALLY dumb because they came awfully close to meeting the Supreme Commander in Chief the day they placed a loaded weapon in that kid's arms. I wouldn't put it past that kid to take out the competition, if you get my drift. She probably wouldn't shoot to kill, mind you, but she'd consider a kneecap all right.
Don't get me wrong, the kid has a lot of good qualities and I always enjoy her competitive spirit. OK, that's a flat out lie, but it sounded good didn't it? I mean I enjoy watching her competing, but the win at all costs, with your shield or on it, is pure dad. She didn't get a drop from me. I'm more the "find your own pond and don't share with anybody so you can be the biggest fish" type of person. She (and her father) are more the jump into the middle of the sharks, laugh for joy and feel the adrenaline rush types. I mean, I most likely wouldn't actually un-friend people on FB when their high scores topped mine, but if my fingers slipped... Ok, that's another lie. I totally would. Or at least stop playing that game and find a new one. I'm the mom who works the booth fund raising, does the behind the scenes scut work and holds it together. NOT the one screaming that MY KID needs to be in the spotlight...er else! I especially don't do this since the kid does it all on her own. I get to take the moral high ground cause nobody's gonna step on that kid, she'll squash 'em like a bug. All part of my plan---cue evil laughter.
The biggest part of the sleep away camp lesson is that they will be exposed to things I'm not thrilled about but they survived and they loved it. No perverts, no accidents, no calamities. I am all too aware that any or all of those bad things could have happened, but just a bit I let go. Sure there is risk involved, but what part of life doesn't have some risk? What would childhood be without obnoxious songs, bad camp food, and triumphs? OK, safe, but we live on the edge in this family. Well they do, I just bring the orange slices, extra glitter eye shadow, and drive the carpool.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thank You St. Joseph
Well I guess burying the St. Joseph statue in the flower garden helped because we signed a purchase agreement last night. Pardon me while I do a happy dance/rebel yell! OK, so step one is done, turns out this is actually only the beginning of the mostly uphill battle in navigating a Department of Defense program. Friends tell me I'm really in for it now. Oh goody, because the whole showing process has been such a hoot thus far.
Let me pause and give a shout out to Molly who drove a long ways just to help me paint two rooms and keep the house clean for the critical showings. She even made chocolate chip cookies so the house would smell "homey." THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
So now we can get back to "normal" and try and find all the stuff we hid (I mean put away) during the showings. I guess there is more packrat in me than I thought because I seem to be genetically incapable of actually removing clutter...I can hide it, shrink it, re-arrange it and occasionally donate it, but there must be a law of clutter dynamics about needing to maintain a constant mass because it doesn't ever seem to actually GO AWAY. Hmmm, maybe C=J+FX? Where C=clutter, J=junk, and FX=the logrithmically increasing effect of my family on junk? Strange as you might find this, I actually had a college prof bribe me with a passing math grade if I promised never (EVER!) to take another class. He must have been a kook, because clearly I have a mathematical flair. (Also don't listen to the rumors, he didn't go crazy, pull out his hair, and run screaming from the building when I mentioned taking another class, and I'm almost positive he doesn't still drool or need restraints.)
I have no idea how I got onto this tangent, (look another math word!) but then again I never promised logical or orderly did I? Really the only thing I know is an ABSOLUTE positive is that the shortest distance between two points is most definitely NOT a military move.
BTW, my flowers look much better around St. Joseph. Divine intervention, you suppose, or cheap lead paint from China?
Let me pause and give a shout out to Molly who drove a long ways just to help me paint two rooms and keep the house clean for the critical showings. She even made chocolate chip cookies so the house would smell "homey." THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!
So now we can get back to "normal" and try and find all the stuff we hid (I mean put away) during the showings. I guess there is more packrat in me than I thought because I seem to be genetically incapable of actually removing clutter...I can hide it, shrink it, re-arrange it and occasionally donate it, but there must be a law of clutter dynamics about needing to maintain a constant mass because it doesn't ever seem to actually GO AWAY. Hmmm, maybe C=J+FX? Where C=clutter, J=junk, and FX=the logrithmically increasing effect of my family on junk? Strange as you might find this, I actually had a college prof bribe me with a passing math grade if I promised never (EVER!) to take another class. He must have been a kook, because clearly I have a mathematical flair. (Also don't listen to the rumors, he didn't go crazy, pull out his hair, and run screaming from the building when I mentioned taking another class, and I'm almost positive he doesn't still drool or need restraints.)
I have no idea how I got onto this tangent, (look another math word!) but then again I never promised logical or orderly did I? Really the only thing I know is an ABSOLUTE positive is that the shortest distance between two points is most definitely NOT a military move.
BTW, my flowers look much better around St. Joseph. Divine intervention, you suppose, or cheap lead paint from China?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Last Minute Deals
Here was my CVS dash for the night.
I had $5/15 and $2ECB's that were expiring in 20 minutes so here is what I did spur of the moment:
There were actually 4 ice creams but I ate one before I could get the picture taken. Don't judge me...it was for medicinal purposes!
After coupons I spent $6.80 OOP and got back $7 ECBs. Not a bad last minute dash.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
10 Best Days
I read a book last night and the main characters were discussing what the 10 best days of their lives were. Sounds easy, but try and pick 10...just 10 and the choices get hard. Or at least I am very blessed than picking just 10 seems extremely hard indeed.
The first few are easy:
1. The day I got married.
2. The day our daughter was born healthy in spite of the crazy AF doctors
3. The day our second daughter was born
4. The most perfect summer day at the cabin
5. Swimming, fishing, laughing and then watching the stars and listening to the wolves howl in the BWCA
6. Being surprised with a white fur coat (it wasn't the coat as much as knowing that he knew me that well and loved me that much)
7. The day I passed my nursing boards
8. The day I fell in love with the one and knew he who loved me back
9. Wearing a gorgeous dress, dancing with my true love, looking up into his eyes and seeing a look that literally left me breathless
10. the day mom and I snuck off and went for coffee...and stayed 4 hours talking
There are so many days made up of special golden moments that become priceless treasured memories. It breaks my heart to think of people who suffer from dementia and Alzheimer's disease. I don't know that there could be much worse than slowly loosing the ones you love. It isn't the memories as much as the connections with other people that matter most. How awful it must be to look around and not recognize anything or anyone? How terrifying and lonely! To know that you are missing that thing that makes us human, that connection, those priceless memories, I don't think there can be a more cruel process on this Earth. It really makes you stop and think what matters most and to cherish each precious moment as it flies by.
It also makes you appreciate the tight rope walk that separates a perfect day from a disaster. What if I had been the only person in my nursing class to fail the exam? What if it had rained in the BWCA? What if the coffee shop was closed? What if I cut myself shaving, was crabby or the babysitter got sick and we hadn't gone dancing that night? So many things big and small can wreck a day in a heart beat. Or maybe we choose to let things bother us when they shouldn't. Maybe we need to relax, enjoy, be open to happiness and not chase it away. Maybe we also need to give up trying to control life to attain perfection and instead let life show us instead. Or maybe we just need to eat more chocolate.
The first few are easy:
1. The day I got married.
2. The day our daughter was born healthy in spite of the crazy AF doctors
3. The day our second daughter was born
4. The most perfect summer day at the cabin
5. Swimming, fishing, laughing and then watching the stars and listening to the wolves howl in the BWCA
6. Being surprised with a white fur coat (it wasn't the coat as much as knowing that he knew me that well and loved me that much)
7. The day I passed my nursing boards
8. The day I fell in love with the one and knew he who loved me back
9. Wearing a gorgeous dress, dancing with my true love, looking up into his eyes and seeing a look that literally left me breathless
10. the day mom and I snuck off and went for coffee...and stayed 4 hours talking
There are so many days made up of special golden moments that become priceless treasured memories. It breaks my heart to think of people who suffer from dementia and Alzheimer's disease. I don't know that there could be much worse than slowly loosing the ones you love. It isn't the memories as much as the connections with other people that matter most. How awful it must be to look around and not recognize anything or anyone? How terrifying and lonely! To know that you are missing that thing that makes us human, that connection, those priceless memories, I don't think there can be a more cruel process on this Earth. It really makes you stop and think what matters most and to cherish each precious moment as it flies by.
It also makes you appreciate the tight rope walk that separates a perfect day from a disaster. What if I had been the only person in my nursing class to fail the exam? What if it had rained in the BWCA? What if the coffee shop was closed? What if I cut myself shaving, was crabby or the babysitter got sick and we hadn't gone dancing that night? So many things big and small can wreck a day in a heart beat. Or maybe we choose to let things bother us when they shouldn't. Maybe we need to relax, enjoy, be open to happiness and not chase it away. Maybe we also need to give up trying to control life to attain perfection and instead let life show us instead. Or maybe we just need to eat more chocolate.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Best Bownies EVER
A new recipe my sister and I came up with:
1 box Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Brownie Mix (1 egg, 1/3c oil, 1/3c H2O)
mini Reese's Peanut Butter cups
metallic muffin liners
Frosting:
1 lb light brown sugar
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup butter
powdered sugar
Bring brown sugar and cream to rolling boil. Boil 1 minute. Add soda. Boil 1 minute. Remove from heat. Add Butter. DO NOT STIR. Cool to room temp then place in fridge at least 1 hour until very thick. Make brownie mix according to box. Place 8 liners in muffin tin and spray lightly with cooking spray. Spoon mix into muffin cups 3/4th full. Place 1 unwrapped candy into center. Bake about 24 minutes at 350. Beat chilled, thickened frosting on high adding powder sugar as needed to thicken to spreadable consistency. Once brownies are cool, frost. Swoon.
1 box Ghirardelli Double Chocolate Brownie Mix (1 egg, 1/3c oil, 1/3c H2O)
mini Reese's Peanut Butter cups
metallic muffin liners
Frosting:
1 lb light brown sugar
1 cup heavy whipping cream
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 cup butter
powdered sugar
Bring brown sugar and cream to rolling boil. Boil 1 minute. Add soda. Boil 1 minute. Remove from heat. Add Butter. DO NOT STIR. Cool to room temp then place in fridge at least 1 hour until very thick. Make brownie mix according to box. Place 8 liners in muffin tin and spray lightly with cooking spray. Spoon mix into muffin cups 3/4th full. Place 1 unwrapped candy into center. Bake about 24 minutes at 350. Beat chilled, thickened frosting on high adding powder sugar as needed to thicken to spreadable consistency. Once brownies are cool, frost. Swoon.
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