The Most Crazy, Backwards, Mixed-Up Closing Ever

When I went to sign the paperwork finally ridding us of the Grey Fox Money Pit I had to find just the perfect outfit to wear. This was a puzzling etiquette issue. What would Ms. Manners say is the proper outfit for an auto de fe?



I wanted to wear all black including a nice 50's black pillbox hat and veil just to set the right mood..but the only hat I could find at the thrift store was bright lime green. Not exactly the look I was trying for. Another great idea smashed too soon.



I finally decided on just plain jeans. I might as well be comfortable when losing a large sum of money.



I was ushered back into the inner sanctum of the title agent and there I met the Army Corp of Engineers rep. She introduced herself by saying



"Hi I'm Jodi. I can't wait for guys to explain this to me because I'm brand new. Today is my first day!"



We all had a hearty laugh. Until we realized that she was absolutely serious. Our "expert" was more clueless than we were. Oh good. Well at least this fiasco was consistent from start to finish.



I signed all the paperwork in the way they wanted me to. Hubs name, then my name then the POA thing. Then my name again. I signed a statement that the POA was valid. This gave me a small giggle. Talk about a Liar's paradox. I had to sign that I wasn't cheating, that the POA was valid. But if I was the type of person to fake a POA would lying about it suddenly make me fall to my knees and confess?



I noticed that the buyer had already signed all the paperwork. How does that work? How can he "buy" something I haven't officially sold? Talk about a chicken and egg thing. Anyway I then endorsed a large check and promised not to fly to Tahiti thus leaving my kids abandoned and motherless. Not that they would miss me much. There is plenty of food in the condo and with the pool and cable they are set. The check wasn't large enough to actually be tempting. I figure I'd only have a good week before I got booted from the resort.



Anyway.



When it was all said and done I signed over the house and left with...zippo. Nothing but a promise that my part of the check would be wired the next day. Ironic. The buyer was already in the house, the bank got their payoff but I left empty handed. Talk about requiring trust. Suuuuuure the money will be there in the morning.



On my way out I left singing my "auto-de-fe" song under my breath and the realtor asked what I was saying. I just smiled and told her it was a great day for an auto de fe and she looked blankly back.



Sorry Voltaire. I guess some people down here missed Candide.